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Sweet Seventeen

So I’m a little over a week away from winter break of my senior year and I already have senioritis. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve had it since the end of junior year, but who’s really been counting the days?

Jacob comes back next week. Jacob, the boy I pined for and finally had a relationship with. Jacob, who went away to college but never wasn’t talking to me. Jacob, who claimed I was the only thing keeping him sane - he was coming back for me. Jacob, who came back and loved me and made me realize all that was good in the world. Jacob, who told me one night that he had kissed another girl and all he had said to make me feel so special was lies. Jacob, who claimed he couldn’t trust me, then left again, and gave up trying.

Jacob.

It’s just a name, right? Jacob. He’s just a boy and I’m just a girl and there really is no reason for me to be getting so worked up over just a boy. He’s only human. Then why do I find myself terrified at the fact that I will never get over him. He claims I am all he has but he doesn’t see how low I am on his list of priorities, because everything above me is so natural to him. I’m not really all that. He just wants to believe I am.

So it’s a Wednesday night and I want to go to sleep but I have to wait til mom comes home for dinner. Then workout. Then shower. Then sleep. Another two whole days til I can actually see my friends and just relax.

I’m 17. Why does it feel like this?